Thursday, December 30, 2010

10 Weeks! (+1 Day)

Sorry I'm a day late peeps. =] I'm also short on time, so all I'm going to give you is the quick ten-week belly pic and then I'll be back later to give some other updates. =]

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Nine weeks! =]

We're doing Christmas at my hubby's mom's today, two sets of grandparent's tomorrow, at an uncle's on Saturday, and at my parent's on Thursday with two other Christmases still not quite on the calendar as far as dates go.  So life is a little crazy right now!

And so (only a day late, although the picture WAS taken yesterday!), I present to you the nine-week belly pic. =] Still no baby bump, still don't even look prego for that matter, but hey, it's kind of fun to document anyways and hopefully, in a few weeks, it will be a little easier to see that there is indeed a 'Stick' growing in there. =]

Now, with that, off to finish helping my mother-in-law cook supper!  Can't wait for the shrimp and scallops!  =]  I hope you're all having a very joyous holiday season!

Monday, December 20, 2010

Time Warp!

Sorry for the delayed posting, the last week has been crazy!  I haven't had a chance to sit down with my laptop for more than a few minutes since probably the last time I posted in here!

I'm going to rewind a  little bit here back to last Wednesday at my appointment. =] The appointment went well, even though I was RIDICULOUSLY nervous!  Along with giving me a substantial amount of literature (including an entire BOOK that went through the stages of pregnancy step by step), my ob/gyn performed an internal exam and said that everything felt right on par for about eight weeks, which, based on the date of my last menstrual period, would be about right.  I tried to inform her that I knew that I hadn't ovulated until CD21 so she ordered an ultrasound for me so we could see how far along Stick really was!

So we called and scheduled an ultrasound and were able to get that in for last Friday at 3 p.m.  If I thought I was nervous for the appointment . . . that wasn't even a shadow of how nervous I was for the ultrasound!  All I could think about was how there HAD to be a heartbeat, there just HAD to!  I nearly started crying at the beginning because nothing that was showing up on screen in the first couple frames looked anything like there was even a baby in there.  Thankfully, that was just me being paranoid and impatient.  Indeed there WAS a baby in there, one (just one though!) that even had a little heartbeat of 165 beats per minute!  And, even more than that, was measuring at 8w and 2d as opposed to the 7w and 4d that I thought we were at!  So, we time warped ahead a little bit and basically skipped an entire week!  Instead of just hitting 8 weeks today like I had originally thought, we're almost at NINE weeks now!  HOLY BROCCOLI!  Which means we've hit a bit of a time warp and fast-forwarded the pregnancy by FIVE WHOLE DAYS!

Also, because you're dying to see him/her, allow me to introduce to you, the beautiful, long-anticipated, little Stick!  I've never seen a more beautiful little tadpole in my entire life. =] For the first time in over a month, I'm actually start to a feel a little confident that maybe things will turn out all right in the end for us. =]

Along with today now being 8 weeks 5 days instead of just 8 weeks, that also means I'm going to start taking my belly pics on Wednesdays instead of Mondays.  Check back on Wednesday for my nine-week belly pic!  It still looks quite a bit the same, but if you could poke my lower belly (not a chance, unless you're my husband), the texture has changed quite a bit and I can actually feel my uterus growing down there!  I can't WAIT to sport a little baby belly!  =]  I'm so excited for that!

Along with Stick's debut, apparently the fabulous Mrs. Morris sent a TWO-part gift!  Along with the items that I posted last Monday, we received a SECOND box a few days later with even MORE items in it!  HOLY CRAP!

The second box contained a 12-pack of cloth diapers and a package of pacifier keepers!  Although, I must admit that we were a little confused by the cloth diapers at first.  Our intention all along has NOT been to use cloth diapers so we felt a little awful and ungrateful when we opened them, kind of giving each other that 'What the heck are we supposed to do with these?' stare.  I mean, it's certainly NOT that we don't appreciate the gift, we just weren't quite sure what we were going to do with it.  Thankfully though, one of us (I don't even remember which), had the sense to look at the packing slip.  That was definitely an AHA moment!  Mrs. Morris had specifically written in there that cloth diapers were actually the best burp rags that one could find.  Now THAT made a lot more sense and made us a feel a lot better about things.  THOSE we will USE!  Hehe.  Again, I cannot even begin to thank you enough Mrs. Morris for your contribution to this newest stage in our lives!  Rest assured that I will post pictures of "Stick" and these items for you next summer!  Well, minus the burp rags and the diapers . . . unless you really want to see him/her burping or pooping. XD

Another exciting delivery last week!  My hubby's step-mom had ordered me maternity clothes for my birthday from J.C. Penney's!  They all arrived last week!  Of course, I don't really need them yet, but some of my clothes (especially anything that goes across the boob area), is getting a bit more fitted, so I've been wearing them here and there, just for fun, even though I really probably don't need them yet.  I must say though, holy cow are maternity jeans COMFORTABLE!  

Symptoms haven't changed too much, nausea increased a little bit over the past week or so, along with a three-day headache (ouch!), but it's been pretty well back to normal the past two days or so.  The girls are still painfully tender and I could probably win some serious contests with my burping abilities the past week or so (my husband complimented me on my 'hang time' on a burp yesterday -_-).

And that's about all she wrote! =] Check back on Wednesday for the nine-week belly pic!  My next prenatal appointment is scheduled for January 12th at 3:30 p.m. and, according to my (new) calculations, we should be at exactly 12 weeks that day!  Oh!  And just a few other updates from my visit with my ob-gyn, the way she laid out the schedule, we'll be getting one appointment a month until we hit the 24-week mark.  At that point, they'll change to every two weeks until week 36, and then they'll be weekly!  Also, she pretty much gave me the go-ahead to eat w/e I wanted (minus drugs, alcohol, and shark) as long as it's in moderation!  Which I thought was pretty sweet. =] Although she did point out that caffeine dehydrates a body, so for any caffeine that I do choose to indulge in, just be sure to drink the same amount of water to balance it out!  I'm beginning to like her more and more. =]

Monday, December 13, 2010

Seven weeks!

That's right!  We've hit another milestone!  Seven weeks and Stick is STILL living up to his/her namesake!  Grow Stick, grow!

As promised, I was good and actually took a belly pic for you guys this week (as opposed to last week when I had the cold from SATAN and was essentially non-functioning).  Still no baby belly, but I do wonder if I'm starting to look a little 'thicker'.  My weight still essentially has not changed from pre-pregnancy (which is just fine, considering this is essentially a plus-sized pregnancy!).  Although I do think that weight is redistributing a bit!  I must say, it is getting more and more difficult to keep 'side boob' out of the picture because there's more to cover up these days!  Anyhow, without further adieu, here is my 'essentially not changed much at all' seven week belly pic! =]

Oh! Oh!  And I got some fun things in the mail today that I wanted to share with you! =] I lady from one of the websites I frequent has a little girl and was kind enough to send Stick and I a gift!  I still don't know what motivated her to do so, but I am very excited and very thankful for it!  It was definitely like Christmas getting that box in the mail today because I knew it was coming, but I had no idea what was in it!  Very practical gifts but I couldn't be more excited about them!

In the back, you see a box of 124 Pampers Newborn diapers.  They go to 10 pounds, and quite frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if that's all we're going to need in that size for Stick!  If s/he's anything like his/her daddy, I doubt s/he'll stay small for long! =]  In the front left, you see a swaddler.  I've heard wonderful things about this invention and I cannot WAIT to try it out!  And, on the front right, you see the part of the gift that I'm most especially intrigued by (even though I'm sure it will be the last one used!).  They're Munchkin fresh food feeders.  You can put fruit or veggies right inside the little pouch part and then the kiddo can just suck on them to their heart's content without the danger of choking!  Here, I've pulled a better picture of them from Amazon for your viewing pleasure.
I can't wait to use these things!  The concept is so simple yet so incredibly ingenious at the same time!  Mrs. Morris, if you're reading this, please note that both "Stick" and I THANK YOU very, very much for your contribution to this next part of our lives. =] We really appreciate it!

And then, as long as I had my camera out, I realized that I haven't shown you guys the onesie that Kelly's sister bought for "Stick" yet either.  She put quite a bit of thought behind it and I think it's adorable!  It's gray and purple and, according to her, "If it's a girl, it's purple.  If it's a boy, it's Vikings!"  Haha.  I love it!  

And of course, if you're having trouble reading the writing on the front, it says, "My Auntie is #1!"  Hahaha!  Stick will definitely have to wear this while visiting his/her auntie in a year or so. =]

And, one last quick picture to share with you guys.  It's not Stick-related per se, but it's definitely Mommy and Daddy related!  We're both kind of nuts when it comes to the holidays, so, for your viewing pleasure, this is what Christmas looks like in the Olson residence this year. =]

If you don't hear from me again before Wednesday, you will definitely be hearing from me on Wednesday after our first prenatal doctor's appointment!  Keep your fingers crossed that everything goes well! =]

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Countdown to Ultrasound!

I really don't have all that much to say today, but I figured I'd throw a post out there anyways! =]

Our first prenatal appointment/ultrasound is NEXT WEDNESDAY!  I'm so excited!  That means in almost exactly four days (the appointment is even at 2:00 and it's currently 1:59 here!) we'll get to see 'Stick' for the first time!  The whole thing still seems so surreal.  I mean, is there REALLY a baby in there?  I can't wait to see Stick's little heartbeat pumping away on the screen. =] Plus, then we'll know whether there's one or two in there!  I'm still betting on one, but hubby's step-mom is determined that there are two.  We shall see! =]

As far as symptoms go, I'm so grateful that I've been morning sickness free for the most part!  Although I think the nausea is starting to kick it up a notch.  I've started wearing my sea bands on a regular basis and there's a few times where I've found myself gagging.  But nothing too serious.  I'm still able to eat and still pretty much have an appetite.  Although lunch today was interesting!  I was craving barbecue chicken so I dug the last chicken breast out of the freezer and cooked it up.  When it was finished, I took a bite and the texture made me gag.  I couldn't eat it.  And now, two hours later and thinking about it again, I find myself almost gagging at the thought of any kind of chicken coming anywhere near my mouth!  I think chicken may be off of the menu for awhile!  Oh!  And typically I don't like apple cider, but last night, my hubby was having a glass of it and it smelled GLORIOUS!  I ended up drinking the whole thing and had to make him a new one.  Ha.

We got the prenatal Yoga DVD that I ordered in the mail about a week ago but I haven't gotten a chance to try it out yet.  I was ridiculously ill with this cold/asthma/sinus thing that pretty much knocked me flat on my back with a box of tissues for half the week.  It just started breaking last night and, I'm still a little congested and coughing, but feeling MUCH better!  Which means, as soon as hubby gets home from work, I think we're going to break out the DVD tonight and he's totally going to do it with me. =]

And I know I never did manage to get back to the blog with a six week belly pic, but it really hasn't changed much. So, pretty much, if you want to see this week's, just backtrack and look at last week's.  XD  I will be good and have a new one up on Monday though for the seven week mark. =] Girl scout's honor!

Friday, December 10, 2010

Reflections on Infertility

I want to start this post off with saying, point blank, that if you have never experienced infertility, you have no idea how it feels or how it affects a person.

We live in a society and a time that endorses the idea of family planning.  I mean, sure there are plenty of people that have children before they're ready for them, but the enforced ideal is that, when we're ready for them, when our time is right, when we're prepared enough and stable enough to care for children and we decide that we are indeed ready for them, we'll have them.  That is, unless you're infertile.  And there are a lot (and I mean, A LOT) of very ignorant and arrogant opinions out there concerning infertility.

Women grow up assuming and expecting that when they're ready to become mothers (if that's their choice) that they'll be able to.  They go into the process of trying to become mothers with high hopes and excitement.  A new stage in their life is about to unfold!  And then month after month after month of trying and failing passes.  Turns into years.  People who weren't even in relationships before the infertile couple started trying to conceive now have babies of their own.  You begin to wonder what's wrong with you, how you're defective, and what you've done to deserve this.  Every woman should be able to procreate, I mean, isn't this what our prime purpose in being a woman at all is?  There must be something wrong with you.  You feel guilty for being in a committed relationship and not being able to supply that special someone with an heir to call their own.  In some of the worst moments, you consider leaving them, to set them free in order to find another woman who is not broken.  There is guilt, and tears, and disappointment deeper than most fertile people could possibly imagine.  It becomes almost an obsession, there is nothing you want more in this entire world than to become a parent.  And then, on top of all this, there is another layer of guilt because we do have so many things to be thankful for and this is all we can focus on.  Why can't we just focus on the things that are positive in our lives instead of the things that we can't have?  But that doesn't stop us from wanting to be parents, dreaming and wishing and . . . crying about it.

And to top it all off, we are ashamed.  We are defective and broken.  So we find a few close people to hold us up in our weakest moments and let them in our secrets, and then we do our very best to hide it from the rest of the world.  Because surely they would look down us for it.  Surely they would see us as lesser beings.  I mean, if we are unable to conceive, that must mean that's God's way of saying, "No more!" for our bloodlines!  At least, that's what we assume people would think of us, so we don't let them see the inside.  We ward their questions off with some vague response:  "When are you going to have children?"  "Oh, when we're ready . . ."  But really, the question tears your heart out, because the real answer is, "We've been trying for three years and suffered two miscarriages.  We want nothing more in the world than to be parents.  But really?  Maybe never.  And, quite frankly, it's none of your business."

And, oh goodness, don't get me started on listening to fertile couples talk about their conception struggles.  We may have been trying for years, gone through many failed fertility medications and treatments, and then you expect to listen and sympathize with how agonizing it was that it took you three whole months to conceive your beautiful baby?  You have a beautiful baby.  We have piles of doctor's bills and less hope then we had in the beginning that this is ever going to work.

And there is nothing, I repeat, nothing that can resort an infertile woman to tears so quickly as someone else's pregnancy announcement.  It's not that we're not happy for you.  If this is what you want, we are happy for you.  But we are sad and bitter and jealous and jaded for ourselves.  We want that happiness for ourselves and we don't know if it's something that we're ever going to be able to experience and it hurts, more than you could possibly imagine.  And if the pregnancy is unwanted?  That hurts even worse.  It just doesn't make sense and it's so beyond unfair that someone who doesn't even want it, can have our deepest heart's desire without even trying.

I cannot possibly put into words that feeling of disappointment when your period shows up again after another month of trying and failing for that positive pregnancy test, those moments in the dark when you're sobbing into your pillow feeling guilty and horrible and trying not to wake your husband up because you know he would try to fix it and it's SO not his fault . . . it's yours, the anger and the resentment and the bitterness and the humiliation.  There aren't words to describe any of these.  Being infertile is one of the biggest emotional roller coasters that a woman could ever possibly ride.  And they usually ride it in silence because they are ashamed, which makes the burden that much heavier to bear.

So, I plead with you now, never chastise a woman for not jumping for joy at your pregnancy announcement, never tell a couple to 'just relax' and it will happen (pretty darn impossible if you don't even ovulate!), never tell a couple they should 'just adopt' (if you want children of your own, why should an infertile couple not be allowed to have the same want?), and for the love of all that is holy, keep your snide comments to yourself when it comes to pregnancy and babies.  Because you have no idea what may be going on inside that woman's head and the impact that your negative actions and comments are having on her.  If you haven't been there, you cannot possibly understand, but you CAN be tactful.

And with that, I cannot even express how grateful I am that my husband and I have come this far on our infertility journey.  For us, all it took was a proper diagnosis and three months of proper medication to balance my hormones enough to kick-start my ovaries back into ovulating.  Many other women are not as lucky.  There are others that have gone through medications that make them a raging ball of emotions, painful injections, and, when all else fails, in vitro fertilization that comes with a $10,000 price tag and no guarantee of success.  This whole thing has been harder on my emotions than I could even begin to describe, but it could have been worse, and for that, I am so incredibly grateful.  And I extend my hope and my sympathy to the women who are still trying.  Most of them will finally achieve that positive pregnancy test, experience a pregnancy of their own, and finally, FINALLY get the opportunity to hold their baby in their arms.  A small percentage will not, and my heart breaks for them.  I wish them all the luck and baby dust and what modern medicine has to offer in the world.

And, if there are actually individuals out there who have the audacity to assume that a diagnosis of infertility is God's way of bringing an end to a bloodline, I call you out.  For one, how ridiculous that you could possibly think that you were intelligent or 'special' enough to be privy to the will of God and, for two, God helps those who help themselves.  Perhaps this is God's way of ensuring that the children borne from infertile couples will be born into a home that loves them and appreciates every second with them, because I fully believe that there is no one who is loved quite so much as a child that was believed might never exist.

Monday, December 6, 2010

6 Weeks!

So.  That belly pic you were supposed to get today?  Not happening.  The camera happens to be in the car which happens to be 68 miles away with my husband who happens to be at work.  And he doesn't get off of work until 2 a.m., which means, by the time I have access to the camera at all, it will be tomorrow. XD

Ah well, you're not missing much.  It hasn't changed since last week!  I don't think we'll be seeing much changes at all until probably February or so, but hey, it's fun to document the changes (or lack thereof) anyways. =]

So, I will definitely have the six-week belly pic posted for you tomorrow and you're just going to have to deal until then.

I've still been feeling pretty good for the most part as far as morning sickness goes.  A little queasy here and there, but no living in the bathroom or anything.  I've been a little crampy over the past couple of days again, but I'm trying just to chalk it up to growing pains.  No spotting or anything, so I'm trying not to worry too much!  The girls are still very sore, which is a good sign, and my nose is still on hyper drive!  Well, for the most part at least, it's probably running a little closer to average today because I woke up with a cold this morning.  My nose is pretty stuffed up and my throat has been pretty sore.  When I woke up this morning, I actually ended up calling in to work because I highly suspected that it was strep throat.  I wasn't able to get in for an appointment though and the pain has eased down over the day though so maybe it's just a cold.

My temps have been running a little low today too, but I'm guessing that's because I've been breathing through my mouth quite a bit today and my house is set at about 68 degrees.  So let's just hope that that's the reason behind my low temps and pray that it's not my progesterone levels falling!  We should know in a few days one way or the other!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Why Can't I Just Be Happy?

Don't get me wrong. I am happy. I am RIDICULOUSLY happy. I am so happy I cannot even put the sentiment into words! For the first time in over three years of trying, I AM PREGNANT!

But I'm terrified too. The odds of miscarriage for the average woman once they manage to get pregnant are actually pretty low. But with PCOS, the odds of losing a pregnancy are quite a bit higher than the average woman. I just want to be able to be happy that Stick exists at all, to be like any other normal pregnant woman and assume that I'm going to give birth to a healthy, happy baby in nine months. But I'm terrified . . . because there's a chance that I won't and it's taken us so very long to get here at all. As much as I try to focus on the positive, to celebrate, I've broken down in tears more times than I care to relay because I am just so scared that this isn't meant to be.

Just stick Stick, please stick.