Thursday, December 30, 2010
10 Weeks! (+1 Day)
Sorry I'm a day late peeps. =] I'm also short on time, so all I'm going to give you is the quick ten-week belly pic and then I'll be back later to give some other updates. =]
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Nine weeks! =]
We're doing Christmas at my hubby's mom's today, two sets of grandparent's tomorrow, at an uncle's on Saturday, and at my parent's on Thursday with two other Christmases still not quite on the calendar as far as dates go. So life is a little crazy right now!
And so (only a day late, although the picture WAS taken yesterday!), I present to you the nine-week belly pic. =] Still no baby bump, still don't even look prego for that matter, but hey, it's kind of fun to document anyways and hopefully, in a few weeks, it will be a little easier to see that there is indeed a 'Stick' growing in there. =]
Now, with that, off to finish helping my mother-in-law cook supper! Can't wait for the shrimp and scallops! =] I hope you're all having a very joyous holiday season!
And so (only a day late, although the picture WAS taken yesterday!), I present to you the nine-week belly pic. =] Still no baby bump, still don't even look prego for that matter, but hey, it's kind of fun to document anyways and hopefully, in a few weeks, it will be a little easier to see that there is indeed a 'Stick' growing in there. =]
Now, with that, off to finish helping my mother-in-law cook supper! Can't wait for the shrimp and scallops! =] I hope you're all having a very joyous holiday season!
Monday, December 20, 2010
Time Warp!
Sorry for the delayed posting, the last week has been crazy! I haven't had a chance to sit down with my laptop for more than a few minutes since probably the last time I posted in here!
I'm going to rewind a little bit here back to last Wednesday at my appointment. =] The appointment went well, even though I was RIDICULOUSLY nervous! Along with giving me a substantial amount of literature (including an entire BOOK that went through the stages of pregnancy step by step), my ob/gyn performed an internal exam and said that everything felt right on par for about eight weeks, which, based on the date of my last menstrual period, would be about right. I tried to inform her that I knew that I hadn't ovulated until CD21 so she ordered an ultrasound for me so we could see how far along Stick really was!
So we called and scheduled an ultrasound and were able to get that in for last Friday at 3 p.m. If I thought I was nervous for the appointment . . . that wasn't even a shadow of how nervous I was for the ultrasound! All I could think about was how there HAD to be a heartbeat, there just HAD to! I nearly started crying at the beginning because nothing that was showing up on screen in the first couple frames looked anything like there was even a baby in there. Thankfully, that was just me being paranoid and impatient. Indeed there WAS a baby in there, one (just one though!) that even had a little heartbeat of 165 beats per minute! And, even more than that, was measuring at 8w and 2d as opposed to the 7w and 4d that I thought we were at! So, we time warped ahead a little bit and basically skipped an entire week! Instead of just hitting 8 weeks today like I had originally thought, we're almost at NINE weeks now! HOLY BROCCOLI! Which means we've hit a bit of a time warp and fast-forwarded the pregnancy by FIVE WHOLE DAYS!
Also, because you're dying to see him/her, allow me to introduce to you, the beautiful, long-anticipated, little Stick! I've never seen a more beautiful little tadpole in my entire life. =] For the first time in over a month, I'm actually start to a feel a little confident that maybe things will turn out all right in the end for us. =]
Along with today now being 8 weeks 5 days instead of just 8 weeks, that also means I'm going to start taking my belly pics on Wednesdays instead of Mondays. Check back on Wednesday for my nine-week belly pic! It still looks quite a bit the same, but if you could poke my lower belly (not a chance, unless you're my husband), the texture has changed quite a bit and I can actually feel my uterus growing down there! I can't WAIT to sport a little baby belly! =] I'm so excited for that!
Along with Stick's debut, apparently the fabulous Mrs. Morris sent a TWO-part gift! Along with the items that I posted last Monday, we received a SECOND box a few days later with even MORE items in it! HOLY CRAP!
I'm going to rewind a little bit here back to last Wednesday at my appointment. =] The appointment went well, even though I was RIDICULOUSLY nervous! Along with giving me a substantial amount of literature (including an entire BOOK that went through the stages of pregnancy step by step), my ob/gyn performed an internal exam and said that everything felt right on par for about eight weeks, which, based on the date of my last menstrual period, would be about right. I tried to inform her that I knew that I hadn't ovulated until CD21 so she ordered an ultrasound for me so we could see how far along Stick really was!
So we called and scheduled an ultrasound and were able to get that in for last Friday at 3 p.m. If I thought I was nervous for the appointment . . . that wasn't even a shadow of how nervous I was for the ultrasound! All I could think about was how there HAD to be a heartbeat, there just HAD to! I nearly started crying at the beginning because nothing that was showing up on screen in the first couple frames looked anything like there was even a baby in there. Thankfully, that was just me being paranoid and impatient. Indeed there WAS a baby in there, one (just one though!) that even had a little heartbeat of 165 beats per minute! And, even more than that, was measuring at 8w and 2d as opposed to the 7w and 4d that I thought we were at! So, we time warped ahead a little bit and basically skipped an entire week! Instead of just hitting 8 weeks today like I had originally thought, we're almost at NINE weeks now! HOLY BROCCOLI! Which means we've hit a bit of a time warp and fast-forwarded the pregnancy by FIVE WHOLE DAYS!
Also, because you're dying to see him/her, allow me to introduce to you, the beautiful, long-anticipated, little Stick! I've never seen a more beautiful little tadpole in my entire life. =] For the first time in over a month, I'm actually start to a feel a little confident that maybe things will turn out all right in the end for us. =]
Along with today now being 8 weeks 5 days instead of just 8 weeks, that also means I'm going to start taking my belly pics on Wednesdays instead of Mondays. Check back on Wednesday for my nine-week belly pic! It still looks quite a bit the same, but if you could poke my lower belly (not a chance, unless you're my husband), the texture has changed quite a bit and I can actually feel my uterus growing down there! I can't WAIT to sport a little baby belly! =] I'm so excited for that!
Along with Stick's debut, apparently the fabulous Mrs. Morris sent a TWO-part gift! Along with the items that I posted last Monday, we received a SECOND box a few days later with even MORE items in it! HOLY CRAP!
The second box contained a 12-pack of cloth diapers and a package of pacifier keepers! Although, I must admit that we were a little confused by the cloth diapers at first. Our intention all along has NOT been to use cloth diapers so we felt a little awful and ungrateful when we opened them, kind of giving each other that 'What the heck are we supposed to do with these?' stare. I mean, it's certainly NOT that we don't appreciate the gift, we just weren't quite sure what we were going to do with it. Thankfully though, one of us (I don't even remember which), had the sense to look at the packing slip. That was definitely an AHA moment! Mrs. Morris had specifically written in there that cloth diapers were actually the best burp rags that one could find. Now THAT made a lot more sense and made us a feel a lot better about things. THOSE we will USE! Hehe. Again, I cannot even begin to thank you enough Mrs. Morris for your contribution to this newest stage in our lives! Rest assured that I will post pictures of "Stick" and these items for you next summer! Well, minus the burp rags and the diapers . . . unless you really want to see him/her burping or pooping. XD
Another exciting delivery last week! My hubby's step-mom had ordered me maternity clothes for my birthday from J.C. Penney's! They all arrived last week! Of course, I don't really need them yet, but some of my clothes (especially anything that goes across the boob area), is getting a bit more fitted, so I've been wearing them here and there, just for fun, even though I really probably don't need them yet. I must say though, holy cow are maternity jeans COMFORTABLE!
Symptoms haven't changed too much, nausea increased a little bit over the past week or so, along with a three-day headache (ouch!), but it's been pretty well back to normal the past two days or so. The girls are still painfully tender and I could probably win some serious contests with my burping abilities the past week or so (my husband complimented me on my 'hang time' on a burp yesterday -_-).
And that's about all she wrote! =] Check back on Wednesday for the nine-week belly pic! My next prenatal appointment is scheduled for January 12th at 3:30 p.m. and, according to my (new) calculations, we should be at exactly 12 weeks that day! Oh! And just a few other updates from my visit with my ob-gyn, the way she laid out the schedule, we'll be getting one appointment a month until we hit the 24-week mark. At that point, they'll change to every two weeks until week 36, and then they'll be weekly! Also, she pretty much gave me the go-ahead to eat w/e I wanted (minus drugs, alcohol, and shark) as long as it's in moderation! Which I thought was pretty sweet. =] Although she did point out that caffeine dehydrates a body, so for any caffeine that I do choose to indulge in, just be sure to drink the same amount of water to balance it out! I'm beginning to like her more and more. =]
Monday, December 13, 2010
Seven weeks!
That's right! We've hit another milestone! Seven weeks and Stick is STILL living up to his/her namesake! Grow Stick, grow!
As promised, I was good and actually took a belly pic for you guys this week (as opposed to last week when I had the cold from SATAN and was essentially non-functioning). Still no baby belly, but I do wonder if I'm starting to look a little 'thicker'. My weight still essentially has not changed from pre-pregnancy (which is just fine, considering this is essentially a plus-sized pregnancy!). Although I do think that weight is redistributing a bit! I must say, it is getting more and more difficult to keep 'side boob' out of the picture because there's more to cover up these days! Anyhow, without further adieu, here is my 'essentially not changed much at all' seven week belly pic! =]
Oh! Oh! And I got some fun things in the mail today that I wanted to share with you! =] I lady from one of the websites I frequent has a little girl and was kind enough to send Stick and I a gift! I still don't know what motivated her to do so, but I am very excited and very thankful for it! It was definitely like Christmas getting that box in the mail today because I knew it was coming, but I had no idea what was in it! Very practical gifts but I couldn't be more excited about them!
As promised, I was good and actually took a belly pic for you guys this week (as opposed to last week when I had the cold from SATAN and was essentially non-functioning). Still no baby belly, but I do wonder if I'm starting to look a little 'thicker'. My weight still essentially has not changed from pre-pregnancy (which is just fine, considering this is essentially a plus-sized pregnancy!). Although I do think that weight is redistributing a bit! I must say, it is getting more and more difficult to keep 'side boob' out of the picture because there's more to cover up these days! Anyhow, without further adieu, here is my 'essentially not changed much at all' seven week belly pic! =]
Oh! Oh! And I got some fun things in the mail today that I wanted to share with you! =] I lady from one of the websites I frequent has a little girl and was kind enough to send Stick and I a gift! I still don't know what motivated her to do so, but I am very excited and very thankful for it! It was definitely like Christmas getting that box in the mail today because I knew it was coming, but I had no idea what was in it! Very practical gifts but I couldn't be more excited about them!
In the back, you see a box of 124 Pampers Newborn diapers. They go to 10 pounds, and quite frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if that's all we're going to need in that size for Stick! If s/he's anything like his/her daddy, I doubt s/he'll stay small for long! =] In the front left, you see a swaddler. I've heard wonderful things about this invention and I cannot WAIT to try it out! And, on the front right, you see the part of the gift that I'm most especially intrigued by (even though I'm sure it will be the last one used!). They're Munchkin fresh food feeders. You can put fruit or veggies right inside the little pouch part and then the kiddo can just suck on them to their heart's content without the danger of choking! Here, I've pulled a better picture of them from Amazon for your viewing pleasure.
I can't wait to use these things! The concept is so simple yet so incredibly ingenious at the same time! Mrs. Morris, if you're reading this, please note that both "Stick" and I THANK YOU very, very much for your contribution to this next part of our lives. =] We really appreciate it!
And then, as long as I had my camera out, I realized that I haven't shown you guys the onesie that Kelly's sister bought for "Stick" yet either. She put quite a bit of thought behind it and I think it's adorable! It's gray and purple and, according to her, "If it's a girl, it's purple. If it's a boy, it's Vikings!" Haha. I love it!
And of course, if you're having trouble reading the writing on the front, it says, "My Auntie is #1!" Hahaha! Stick will definitely have to wear this while visiting his/her auntie in a year or so. =]
And, one last quick picture to share with you guys. It's not Stick-related per se, but it's definitely Mommy and Daddy related! We're both kind of nuts when it comes to the holidays, so, for your viewing pleasure, this is what Christmas looks like in the Olson residence this year. =]
If you don't hear from me again before Wednesday, you will definitely be hearing from me on Wednesday after our first prenatal doctor's appointment! Keep your fingers crossed that everything goes well! =]
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Countdown to Ultrasound!
I really don't have all that much to say today, but I figured I'd throw a post out there anyways! =]
Our first prenatal appointment/ultrasound is NEXT WEDNESDAY! I'm so excited! That means in almost exactly four days (the appointment is even at 2:00 and it's currently 1:59 here!) we'll get to see 'Stick' for the first time! The whole thing still seems so surreal. I mean, is there REALLY a baby in there? I can't wait to see Stick's little heartbeat pumping away on the screen. =] Plus, then we'll know whether there's one or two in there! I'm still betting on one, but hubby's step-mom is determined that there are two. We shall see! =]
As far as symptoms go, I'm so grateful that I've been morning sickness free for the most part! Although I think the nausea is starting to kick it up a notch. I've started wearing my sea bands on a regular basis and there's a few times where I've found myself gagging. But nothing too serious. I'm still able to eat and still pretty much have an appetite. Although lunch today was interesting! I was craving barbecue chicken so I dug the last chicken breast out of the freezer and cooked it up. When it was finished, I took a bite and the texture made me gag. I couldn't eat it. And now, two hours later and thinking about it again, I find myself almost gagging at the thought of any kind of chicken coming anywhere near my mouth! I think chicken may be off of the menu for awhile! Oh! And typically I don't like apple cider, but last night, my hubby was having a glass of it and it smelled GLORIOUS! I ended up drinking the whole thing and had to make him a new one. Ha.
We got the prenatal Yoga DVD that I ordered in the mail about a week ago but I haven't gotten a chance to try it out yet. I was ridiculously ill with this cold/asthma/sinus thing that pretty much knocked me flat on my back with a box of tissues for half the week. It just started breaking last night and, I'm still a little congested and coughing, but feeling MUCH better! Which means, as soon as hubby gets home from work, I think we're going to break out the DVD tonight and he's totally going to do it with me. =]
And I know I never did manage to get back to the blog with a six week belly pic, but it really hasn't changed much. So, pretty much, if you want to see this week's, just backtrack and look at last week's. XD I will be good and have a new one up on Monday though for the seven week mark. =] Girl scout's honor!
Our first prenatal appointment/ultrasound is NEXT WEDNESDAY! I'm so excited! That means in almost exactly four days (the appointment is even at 2:00 and it's currently 1:59 here!) we'll get to see 'Stick' for the first time! The whole thing still seems so surreal. I mean, is there REALLY a baby in there? I can't wait to see Stick's little heartbeat pumping away on the screen. =] Plus, then we'll know whether there's one or two in there! I'm still betting on one, but hubby's step-mom is determined that there are two. We shall see! =]
As far as symptoms go, I'm so grateful that I've been morning sickness free for the most part! Although I think the nausea is starting to kick it up a notch. I've started wearing my sea bands on a regular basis and there's a few times where I've found myself gagging. But nothing too serious. I'm still able to eat and still pretty much have an appetite. Although lunch today was interesting! I was craving barbecue chicken so I dug the last chicken breast out of the freezer and cooked it up. When it was finished, I took a bite and the texture made me gag. I couldn't eat it. And now, two hours later and thinking about it again, I find myself almost gagging at the thought of any kind of chicken coming anywhere near my mouth! I think chicken may be off of the menu for awhile! Oh! And typically I don't like apple cider, but last night, my hubby was having a glass of it and it smelled GLORIOUS! I ended up drinking the whole thing and had to make him a new one. Ha.
We got the prenatal Yoga DVD that I ordered in the mail about a week ago but I haven't gotten a chance to try it out yet. I was ridiculously ill with this cold/asthma/sinus thing that pretty much knocked me flat on my back with a box of tissues for half the week. It just started breaking last night and, I'm still a little congested and coughing, but feeling MUCH better! Which means, as soon as hubby gets home from work, I think we're going to break out the DVD tonight and he's totally going to do it with me. =]
And I know I never did manage to get back to the blog with a six week belly pic, but it really hasn't changed much. So, pretty much, if you want to see this week's, just backtrack and look at last week's. XD I will be good and have a new one up on Monday though for the seven week mark. =] Girl scout's honor!
Friday, December 10, 2010
Reflections on Infertility
I want to start this post off with saying, point blank, that if you have never experienced infertility, you have no idea how it feels or how it affects a person.
We live in a society and a time that endorses the idea of family planning. I mean, sure there are plenty of people that have children before they're ready for them, but the enforced ideal is that, when we're ready for them, when our time is right, when we're prepared enough and stable enough to care for children and we decide that we are indeed ready for them, we'll have them. That is, unless you're infertile. And there are a lot (and I mean, A LOT) of very ignorant and arrogant opinions out there concerning infertility.
Women grow up assuming and expecting that when they're ready to become mothers (if that's their choice) that they'll be able to. They go into the process of trying to become mothers with high hopes and excitement. A new stage in their life is about to unfold! And then month after month after month of trying and failing passes. Turns into years. People who weren't even in relationships before the infertile couple started trying to conceive now have babies of their own. You begin to wonder what's wrong with you, how you're defective, and what you've done to deserve this. Every woman should be able to procreate, I mean, isn't this what our prime purpose in being a woman at all is? There must be something wrong with you. You feel guilty for being in a committed relationship and not being able to supply that special someone with an heir to call their own. In some of the worst moments, you consider leaving them, to set them free in order to find another woman who is not broken. There is guilt, and tears, and disappointment deeper than most fertile people could possibly imagine. It becomes almost an obsession, there is nothing you want more in this entire world than to become a parent. And then, on top of all this, there is another layer of guilt because we do have so many things to be thankful for and this is all we can focus on. Why can't we just focus on the things that are positive in our lives instead of the things that we can't have? But that doesn't stop us from wanting to be parents, dreaming and wishing and . . . crying about it.
And to top it all off, we are ashamed. We are defective and broken. So we find a few close people to hold us up in our weakest moments and let them in our secrets, and then we do our very best to hide it from the rest of the world. Because surely they would look down us for it. Surely they would see us as lesser beings. I mean, if we are unable to conceive, that must mean that's God's way of saying, "No more!" for our bloodlines! At least, that's what we assume people would think of us, so we don't let them see the inside. We ward their questions off with some vague response: "When are you going to have children?" "Oh, when we're ready . . ." But really, the question tears your heart out, because the real answer is, "We've been trying for three years and suffered two miscarriages. We want nothing more in the world than to be parents. But really? Maybe never. And, quite frankly, it's none of your business."
And, oh goodness, don't get me started on listening to fertile couples talk about their conception struggles. We may have been trying for years, gone through many failed fertility medications and treatments, and then you expect to listen and sympathize with how agonizing it was that it took you three whole months to conceive your beautiful baby? You have a beautiful baby. We have piles of doctor's bills and less hope then we had in the beginning that this is ever going to work.
And there is nothing, I repeat, nothing that can resort an infertile woman to tears so quickly as someone else's pregnancy announcement. It's not that we're not happy for you. If this is what you want, we are happy for you. But we are sad and bitter and jealous and jaded for ourselves. We want that happiness for ourselves and we don't know if it's something that we're ever going to be able to experience and it hurts, more than you could possibly imagine. And if the pregnancy is unwanted? That hurts even worse. It just doesn't make sense and it's so beyond unfair that someone who doesn't even want it, can have our deepest heart's desire without even trying.
I cannot possibly put into words that feeling of disappointment when your period shows up again after another month of trying and failing for that positive pregnancy test, those moments in the dark when you're sobbing into your pillow feeling guilty and horrible and trying not to wake your husband up because you know he would try to fix it and it's SO not his fault . . . it's yours, the anger and the resentment and the bitterness and the humiliation. There aren't words to describe any of these. Being infertile is one of the biggest emotional roller coasters that a woman could ever possibly ride. And they usually ride it in silence because they are ashamed, which makes the burden that much heavier to bear.
So, I plead with you now, never chastise a woman for not jumping for joy at your pregnancy announcement, never tell a couple to 'just relax' and it will happen (pretty darn impossible if you don't even ovulate!), never tell a couple they should 'just adopt' (if you want children of your own, why should an infertile couple not be allowed to have the same want?), and for the love of all that is holy, keep your snide comments to yourself when it comes to pregnancy and babies. Because you have no idea what may be going on inside that woman's head and the impact that your negative actions and comments are having on her. If you haven't been there, you cannot possibly understand, but you CAN be tactful.
And with that, I cannot even express how grateful I am that my husband and I have come this far on our infertility journey. For us, all it took was a proper diagnosis and three months of proper medication to balance my hormones enough to kick-start my ovaries back into ovulating. Many other women are not as lucky. There are others that have gone through medications that make them a raging ball of emotions, painful injections, and, when all else fails, in vitro fertilization that comes with a $10,000 price tag and no guarantee of success. This whole thing has been harder on my emotions than I could even begin to describe, but it could have been worse, and for that, I am so incredibly grateful. And I extend my hope and my sympathy to the women who are still trying. Most of them will finally achieve that positive pregnancy test, experience a pregnancy of their own, and finally, FINALLY get the opportunity to hold their baby in their arms. A small percentage will not, and my heart breaks for them. I wish them all the luck and baby dust and what modern medicine has to offer in the world.
And, if there are actually individuals out there who have the audacity to assume that a diagnosis of infertility is God's way of bringing an end to a bloodline, I call you out. For one, how ridiculous that you could possibly think that you were intelligent or 'special' enough to be privy to the will of God and, for two, God helps those who help themselves. Perhaps this is God's way of ensuring that the children borne from infertile couples will be born into a home that loves them and appreciates every second with them, because I fully believe that there is no one who is loved quite so much as a child that was believed might never exist.
We live in a society and a time that endorses the idea of family planning. I mean, sure there are plenty of people that have children before they're ready for them, but the enforced ideal is that, when we're ready for them, when our time is right, when we're prepared enough and stable enough to care for children and we decide that we are indeed ready for them, we'll have them. That is, unless you're infertile. And there are a lot (and I mean, A LOT) of very ignorant and arrogant opinions out there concerning infertility.
Women grow up assuming and expecting that when they're ready to become mothers (if that's their choice) that they'll be able to. They go into the process of trying to become mothers with high hopes and excitement. A new stage in their life is about to unfold! And then month after month after month of trying and failing passes. Turns into years. People who weren't even in relationships before the infertile couple started trying to conceive now have babies of their own. You begin to wonder what's wrong with you, how you're defective, and what you've done to deserve this. Every woman should be able to procreate, I mean, isn't this what our prime purpose in being a woman at all is? There must be something wrong with you. You feel guilty for being in a committed relationship and not being able to supply that special someone with an heir to call their own. In some of the worst moments, you consider leaving them, to set them free in order to find another woman who is not broken. There is guilt, and tears, and disappointment deeper than most fertile people could possibly imagine. It becomes almost an obsession, there is nothing you want more in this entire world than to become a parent. And then, on top of all this, there is another layer of guilt because we do have so many things to be thankful for and this is all we can focus on. Why can't we just focus on the things that are positive in our lives instead of the things that we can't have? But that doesn't stop us from wanting to be parents, dreaming and wishing and . . . crying about it.
And to top it all off, we are ashamed. We are defective and broken. So we find a few close people to hold us up in our weakest moments and let them in our secrets, and then we do our very best to hide it from the rest of the world. Because surely they would look down us for it. Surely they would see us as lesser beings. I mean, if we are unable to conceive, that must mean that's God's way of saying, "No more!" for our bloodlines! At least, that's what we assume people would think of us, so we don't let them see the inside. We ward their questions off with some vague response: "When are you going to have children?" "Oh, when we're ready . . ." But really, the question tears your heart out, because the real answer is, "We've been trying for three years and suffered two miscarriages. We want nothing more in the world than to be parents. But really? Maybe never. And, quite frankly, it's none of your business."
And, oh goodness, don't get me started on listening to fertile couples talk about their conception struggles. We may have been trying for years, gone through many failed fertility medications and treatments, and then you expect to listen and sympathize with how agonizing it was that it took you three whole months to conceive your beautiful baby? You have a beautiful baby. We have piles of doctor's bills and less hope then we had in the beginning that this is ever going to work.
And there is nothing, I repeat, nothing that can resort an infertile woman to tears so quickly as someone else's pregnancy announcement. It's not that we're not happy for you. If this is what you want, we are happy for you. But we are sad and bitter and jealous and jaded for ourselves. We want that happiness for ourselves and we don't know if it's something that we're ever going to be able to experience and it hurts, more than you could possibly imagine. And if the pregnancy is unwanted? That hurts even worse. It just doesn't make sense and it's so beyond unfair that someone who doesn't even want it, can have our deepest heart's desire without even trying.
I cannot possibly put into words that feeling of disappointment when your period shows up again after another month of trying and failing for that positive pregnancy test, those moments in the dark when you're sobbing into your pillow feeling guilty and horrible and trying not to wake your husband up because you know he would try to fix it and it's SO not his fault . . . it's yours, the anger and the resentment and the bitterness and the humiliation. There aren't words to describe any of these. Being infertile is one of the biggest emotional roller coasters that a woman could ever possibly ride. And they usually ride it in silence because they are ashamed, which makes the burden that much heavier to bear.
So, I plead with you now, never chastise a woman for not jumping for joy at your pregnancy announcement, never tell a couple to 'just relax' and it will happen (pretty darn impossible if you don't even ovulate!), never tell a couple they should 'just adopt' (if you want children of your own, why should an infertile couple not be allowed to have the same want?), and for the love of all that is holy, keep your snide comments to yourself when it comes to pregnancy and babies. Because you have no idea what may be going on inside that woman's head and the impact that your negative actions and comments are having on her. If you haven't been there, you cannot possibly understand, but you CAN be tactful.
And with that, I cannot even express how grateful I am that my husband and I have come this far on our infertility journey. For us, all it took was a proper diagnosis and three months of proper medication to balance my hormones enough to kick-start my ovaries back into ovulating. Many other women are not as lucky. There are others that have gone through medications that make them a raging ball of emotions, painful injections, and, when all else fails, in vitro fertilization that comes with a $10,000 price tag and no guarantee of success. This whole thing has been harder on my emotions than I could even begin to describe, but it could have been worse, and for that, I am so incredibly grateful. And I extend my hope and my sympathy to the women who are still trying. Most of them will finally achieve that positive pregnancy test, experience a pregnancy of their own, and finally, FINALLY get the opportunity to hold their baby in their arms. A small percentage will not, and my heart breaks for them. I wish them all the luck and baby dust and what modern medicine has to offer in the world.
And, if there are actually individuals out there who have the audacity to assume that a diagnosis of infertility is God's way of bringing an end to a bloodline, I call you out. For one, how ridiculous that you could possibly think that you were intelligent or 'special' enough to be privy to the will of God and, for two, God helps those who help themselves. Perhaps this is God's way of ensuring that the children borne from infertile couples will be born into a home that loves them and appreciates every second with them, because I fully believe that there is no one who is loved quite so much as a child that was believed might never exist.
Monday, December 6, 2010
6 Weeks!
So. That belly pic you were supposed to get today? Not happening. The camera happens to be in the car which happens to be 68 miles away with my husband who happens to be at work. And he doesn't get off of work until 2 a.m., which means, by the time I have access to the camera at all, it will be tomorrow. XD
Ah well, you're not missing much. It hasn't changed since last week! I don't think we'll be seeing much changes at all until probably February or so, but hey, it's fun to document the changes (or lack thereof) anyways. =]
So, I will definitely have the six-week belly pic posted for you tomorrow and you're just going to have to deal until then.
I've still been feeling pretty good for the most part as far as morning sickness goes. A little queasy here and there, but no living in the bathroom or anything. I've been a little crampy over the past couple of days again, but I'm trying just to chalk it up to growing pains. No spotting or anything, so I'm trying not to worry too much! The girls are still very sore, which is a good sign, and my nose is still on hyper drive! Well, for the most part at least, it's probably running a little closer to average today because I woke up with a cold this morning. My nose is pretty stuffed up and my throat has been pretty sore. When I woke up this morning, I actually ended up calling in to work because I highly suspected that it was strep throat. I wasn't able to get in for an appointment though and the pain has eased down over the day though so maybe it's just a cold.
My temps have been running a little low today too, but I'm guessing that's because I've been breathing through my mouth quite a bit today and my house is set at about 68 degrees. So let's just hope that that's the reason behind my low temps and pray that it's not my progesterone levels falling! We should know in a few days one way or the other!
Ah well, you're not missing much. It hasn't changed since last week! I don't think we'll be seeing much changes at all until probably February or so, but hey, it's fun to document the changes (or lack thereof) anyways. =]
So, I will definitely have the six-week belly pic posted for you tomorrow and you're just going to have to deal until then.
I've still been feeling pretty good for the most part as far as morning sickness goes. A little queasy here and there, but no living in the bathroom or anything. I've been a little crampy over the past couple of days again, but I'm trying just to chalk it up to growing pains. No spotting or anything, so I'm trying not to worry too much! The girls are still very sore, which is a good sign, and my nose is still on hyper drive! Well, for the most part at least, it's probably running a little closer to average today because I woke up with a cold this morning. My nose is pretty stuffed up and my throat has been pretty sore. When I woke up this morning, I actually ended up calling in to work because I highly suspected that it was strep throat. I wasn't able to get in for an appointment though and the pain has eased down over the day though so maybe it's just a cold.
My temps have been running a little low today too, but I'm guessing that's because I've been breathing through my mouth quite a bit today and my house is set at about 68 degrees. So let's just hope that that's the reason behind my low temps and pray that it's not my progesterone levels falling! We should know in a few days one way or the other!
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Why Can't I Just Be Happy?
Don't get me wrong. I am happy. I am RIDICULOUSLY happy. I am so happy I cannot even put the sentiment into words! For the first time in over three years of trying, I AM PREGNANT!
But I'm terrified too. The odds of miscarriage for the average woman once they manage to get pregnant are actually pretty low. But with PCOS, the odds of losing a pregnancy are quite a bit higher than the average woman. I just want to be able to be happy that Stick exists at all, to be like any other normal pregnant woman and assume that I'm going to give birth to a healthy, happy baby in nine months. But I'm terrified . . . because there's a chance that I won't and it's taken us so very long to get here at all. As much as I try to focus on the positive, to celebrate, I've broken down in tears more times than I care to relay because I am just so scared that this isn't meant to be.
Just stick Stick, please stick.
But I'm terrified too. The odds of miscarriage for the average woman once they manage to get pregnant are actually pretty low. But with PCOS, the odds of losing a pregnancy are quite a bit higher than the average woman. I just want to be able to be happy that Stick exists at all, to be like any other normal pregnant woman and assume that I'm going to give birth to a healthy, happy baby in nine months. But I'm terrified . . . because there's a chance that I won't and it's taken us so very long to get here at all. As much as I try to focus on the positive, to celebrate, I've broken down in tears more times than I care to relay because I am just so scared that this isn't meant to be.
Just stick Stick, please stick.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
The End of November!
I can't believe how quickly time goes! Today is indeed the very last day of the month and then we're mere weeks from the Christmas festivities! And then we're only a few months from Kelly's birthday and, then after that, just a little while until summer, which means, after that, Stick should make his/her appearance into the world! Maybe 40 weeks isn't going to go quite as slowly as I thought it would, heck, we're already a little over 1/8 finished with this pregnancy thing!
There really isn't much to update today. The 'girls' are still ridiculously painful. Bras hurt. Laying on my stomach hurts. Heck, even the fact that I'm wearing a shirt right now isn't sitting very well with them! But I'm definitely not complaining. =] I could be flat on my back, sick for nine months, and I wouldn't be complaining because I'm PREGNANT! Every sign and symptom just remind me of that and there is nothing in the world that could make me happier. Well, winning the lottery would be a close second though.
Why am I home at 8:46 a.m. on a school day, updating my blog, you ask? The answer, my dear Watson, is simple. Sometimes, when you live in Minnesota (at least between the months of November and April . . . or maybe October and May), it blizzards ferociously outside and everything shuts down. Which means, I'm home on a Snow Day today! There are a lot of things to do on the agenda today. The house is going to get cleaned. Well actually, that's about it, but that one thing on the agenda really translates to about fifty because house-cleaning is a tedious process.
Kelly was planning on going muzzle loading today and tomorrow, but since we're blizzarding here, I would be surprised if he actually went. We shall see. Perhaps I'll end up being a hunting widow for a few more days or perhaps not. Oh! And another thing on the agenda for this week, Kelly has an appointment with a podiatrist for his foot on Thursday morning. The side of his foot has been causing him significant amounts of pain for the past couple of months (it comes and goes though). Keep your fingers crossed that the solution is going to be something simple . . . like shoe supports! If it ends up requiring surgery, I'm not sure quite how we're going to swing that. Of course we will, but I'm not sure how!
There really isn't much to update today. The 'girls' are still ridiculously painful. Bras hurt. Laying on my stomach hurts. Heck, even the fact that I'm wearing a shirt right now isn't sitting very well with them! But I'm definitely not complaining. =] I could be flat on my back, sick for nine months, and I wouldn't be complaining because I'm PREGNANT! Every sign and symptom just remind me of that and there is nothing in the world that could make me happier. Well, winning the lottery would be a close second though.
Why am I home at 8:46 a.m. on a school day, updating my blog, you ask? The answer, my dear Watson, is simple. Sometimes, when you live in Minnesota (at least between the months of November and April . . . or maybe October and May), it blizzards ferociously outside and everything shuts down. Which means, I'm home on a Snow Day today! There are a lot of things to do on the agenda today. The house is going to get cleaned. Well actually, that's about it, but that one thing on the agenda really translates to about fifty because house-cleaning is a tedious process.
Kelly was planning on going muzzle loading today and tomorrow, but since we're blizzarding here, I would be surprised if he actually went. We shall see. Perhaps I'll end up being a hunting widow for a few more days or perhaps not. Oh! And another thing on the agenda for this week, Kelly has an appointment with a podiatrist for his foot on Thursday morning. The side of his foot has been causing him significant amounts of pain for the past couple of months (it comes and goes though). Keep your fingers crossed that the solution is going to be something simple . . . like shoe supports! If it ends up requiring surgery, I'm not sure quite how we're going to swing that. Of course we will, but I'm not sure how!
Monday, November 29, 2010
5 weeks!
Little 'Stick' is still sticking in there and the two of us have definitely had an eventful week! =] All the future grandmas, grandpas, great-grandmas, uncles, and aunts are aware of Stick's existence and they're all pretty excited about it! And if that wasn't enough, Mommy managed to celebrate a holiday, turn another year older (The big 2-4!), AND finish most of her Christmas shopping for the year! Whew!
As promised, since today marks a new week in Stick's existence, here's a new belly pic to document Stick's growth and progress.
Mommy doesn't really see much of a change yet, and if there is one at all, she blames it on all the turkey that she ate last Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Four-day Thanksgiving for the win! The part in this week and last week's pictures that you don't see (and won't either for that matter) documents a bit more growth. Mommy is definitely in need of upgrading her bras because her current ones just don't seem to be cutting it these days! Thankfully, she picked up a duo of them for mega-cheap when she was Black Friday shopping so hopefully those will do the trick for a couple of months!
Oh! And another accomplishment this past weekend was scheduling our first prenatal appointment! Mommy and baby will be going in on December 15th and (hopefully) Daddy and Mommy will be able to get their first glimpses of Stick in the form of an ultrasound that day! I was hoping to get in earlier, but my Ob/Gyn doesn't have a single open appointment until December 15th @ 2 p.m.! And now that one is taken too. At that point, we'll be at 7 weeks and 2 days, so I'm really hoping we can get some nice pictures on the ultrasound. =]
As far as symptoms go, I've actually been feeling pretty good. The 'girls' are in substantial amounts of pain, I've been pretty seriously exhausted lately, and I swear I'm in the bathroom at least once an hour, but other than those three, all of the other ones have tapered off a bit. I still know Stick is doing okay because I opted to use that one last EPT that was sitting in my drawer and the test line showed up even before the control line. =] (The test line is the one on the left . . . the darker one.)
Yeah, shoddy picture I know, but HCG levels are definitely still continuing to rise! The test line showed up fast and dark and, since I find myself in the bathroom so often these days, the urine used to test definitely had not been held for more than 45 minutes or so!
A very exciting milestone that we reached today is that we are definitely out of the danger zone for this being a chemical pregnancy! That is very exciting because 70% of pregnancies that are lost are lost before the 5 week mark, Sticks odds of sticking in there for the whole 9 months are going up! Go Stick go! Currently, our odds of sticking in there are 90% and, once we hit one more week and are able to claim the six week mark, our odds of making it to viability are 95%! Grow Stick Grow! I can't wait to meet you next summer. =]
As promised, since today marks a new week in Stick's existence, here's a new belly pic to document Stick's growth and progress.
Mommy doesn't really see much of a change yet, and if there is one at all, she blames it on all the turkey that she ate last Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Four-day Thanksgiving for the win! The part in this week and last week's pictures that you don't see (and won't either for that matter) documents a bit more growth. Mommy is definitely in need of upgrading her bras because her current ones just don't seem to be cutting it these days! Thankfully, she picked up a duo of them for mega-cheap when she was Black Friday shopping so hopefully those will do the trick for a couple of months!
Oh! And another accomplishment this past weekend was scheduling our first prenatal appointment! Mommy and baby will be going in on December 15th and (hopefully) Daddy and Mommy will be able to get their first glimpses of Stick in the form of an ultrasound that day! I was hoping to get in earlier, but my Ob/Gyn doesn't have a single open appointment until December 15th @ 2 p.m.! And now that one is taken too. At that point, we'll be at 7 weeks and 2 days, so I'm really hoping we can get some nice pictures on the ultrasound. =]
As far as symptoms go, I've actually been feeling pretty good. The 'girls' are in substantial amounts of pain, I've been pretty seriously exhausted lately, and I swear I'm in the bathroom at least once an hour, but other than those three, all of the other ones have tapered off a bit. I still know Stick is doing okay because I opted to use that one last EPT that was sitting in my drawer and the test line showed up even before the control line. =] (The test line is the one on the left . . . the darker one.)
Yeah, shoddy picture I know, but HCG levels are definitely still continuing to rise! The test line showed up fast and dark and, since I find myself in the bathroom so often these days, the urine used to test definitely had not been held for more than 45 minutes or so!
A very exciting milestone that we reached today is that we are definitely out of the danger zone for this being a chemical pregnancy! That is very exciting because 70% of pregnancies that are lost are lost before the 5 week mark, Sticks odds of sticking in there for the whole 9 months are going up! Go Stick go! Currently, our odds of sticking in there are 90% and, once we hit one more week and are able to claim the six week mark, our odds of making it to viability are 95%! Grow Stick Grow! I can't wait to meet you next summer. =]
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
4 Weeks, 1 Day!
Feeling pretty good today. =] The 'girls' are definitely tender though! It used to be that they were only tender to the touch, but today they hurt without even being touched.
I was able to go pick up my prescription pre-natals and folic acid today. They were a little spendier than a thought, but anything for "Stick!" Who, I might add, is still definitely sticking in there! Grow little bean, grow!
That aside, I don't really have much to update you on today. We're telling Kelly's dad tomorrow though, which I'm definitely excited about about! I'll have more to tell you tomorrow. =]
I was able to go pick up my prescription pre-natals and folic acid today. They were a little spendier than a thought, but anything for "Stick!" Who, I might add, is still definitely sticking in there! Grow little bean, grow!
That aside, I don't really have much to update you on today. We're telling Kelly's dad tomorrow though, which I'm definitely excited about about! I'll have more to tell you tomorrow. =]
Monday, November 22, 2010
4 Week Belly Pic!
Alright, I'm going to warn you right now that this picture took countless pushes of the 10-second timer button, a lot of patience, an argument with my cat, and I slight bit of acrobatics. Only for me to hate them all and go back and do three more sets of them. (I'm hoping that the picture-taking process gets easier as I get the hang of it, or that the husband will be home to help me take the rest!) Out of all of the pictures that I took, this one happens to be my favorite. However, in the name of American squeamishness, please be aware that I am topless in it before you scroll down. You don't actually seen anything besides my arms, belly, and the most comfy pajama pants in the entire world, but, *le gasp*, I have nothing on underneath my arms. So, if that bothers you, please don't scroll down.
If that doesn't bother you, enjoy? Here is the first belly pic of many, many more to come! Oh, and no, I'm not actually showing yet . . . that's the pizza I ate earlier today. I told you about this!
If that doesn't bother you, enjoy? Here is the first belly pic of many, many more to come! Oh, and no, I'm not actually showing yet . . . that's the pizza I ate earlier today. I told you about this!
Grow baby, grow!
Oh . . . and just for comparison's sake. Remember how faint that first line was? Check out how dark it's gotten now! HCG levels are DEFINITELY going up! Go Stick!
"Stick"
Yep! We've hit the four-week mark and "Stick" (as we've started to call him/her) is living up to her name and still hanging in there! As far as symptoms go today, I couldn't eat anything this morning because I knew it wouldn't stay down if I tried. So I just waited it out and by lunch time I was able to eat with the kiddos at work. I totally pigged out at supper though. I'd been craving pizza all day so I ordered in from Dominos and ate WAY too much. I still have the stretching/heavy feeling in my uterus, which I take to mean is a good thing! Boobs are still itchy and sore, but I think I've grown a little more accustomed to them so I don't notice them quite as much. Still burping ALL THE TIME. Which, as I understand it, indicates that Stick is going to have a full head of hair when s/he makes an appearance? Oh, and I don't even think I could count as high as how many times I've peed today! I suppose I'd better just used to that though since, according to my research, that's one of the things that happens at multiple points in the pregnancy. =]
I don't want to sit on my butt and be a lump for the next nine months, so I opted to invest in a prenatal workout video. Used from Amazon means a whopping $8 w/shipping for a prenatal yoga video.
I don't want to sit on my butt and be a lump for the next nine months, so I opted to invest in a prenatal workout video. Used from Amazon means a whopping $8 w/shipping for a prenatal yoga video.
I'm excited for it to arrive in a week or so so I can start working out again (especially since I ate that pizza)! Up until I got my + on that first HPT, I used to do Tae Bo off and on, but I'm guessing that's probably a bit too high impact for baby. I mean, don't get me wrong, I still wasn't at my goal weight. Over the summer, through diet and exercise, I managed to lose 20 pounds and I've just kind of plateaued since then. So my pre-pregnancy weight was 205. Not a prime weight by any means, but still a few thousand pounds lighter than a beluga whale! In other words, am I in the best shape of my life kicking off this pregnancy? No. But I don't look like this either:
I'm going to do my absolute best to make sure that Stick gets all the proper nutrition that s/he needs during these next 36 weeks though, and hopefully, I won't look quite like the picture above when it's all over. =] My plan is to post weekly belly pics to document the progress of Stick's growth (you can continue to compare me to the beluga whale if you'd like . . . warn me if the pictures start looking too similar!). And, since today marks four weeks, I will be posting one today. Obviously, you can't really see anything (besides the pizza!), but it works as a good starting point to gauge to later on. =] You'll have to check back in a few hours to see it though, because I'm going to give that pizza a chance to digest before I humiliate myself too badly!
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Registry?
It is now 1 p.m. and I have found something that I'm sure is going to amuse me for the entire rest of the day. A baby registry! I've been looking through the babysrus website for a couple of hours and there are so many things that we're going to need that I hadn't even thought of yet! I'm creating a babysrus registry on-line and then I'm guessing we'll probably create a Wal-mart baby registry or something later on for people who don't like to shop on-line that we know. =] For the time being, I'm just picking everything in gender-neutral colors because, clearly, we don't know the gender yet. And then, after we do find out the gender in, oh, February or so, we may go back through and add some more gender-specific items in. I'm kind of liking the idea that Kelly and I find out what gender it is in February and then we wait to tell anyone else until it's born. I'll have to run that idea by him when I see him again on TUESDAY. As I said in my previous post, he's at work all day today and then going to a concert with his mom afterwards, and then, tomorrow, I work days and he works evenings so he'll be long gone by the time that I get home from work.
Out of all of the items that I've stumbled upon on babysrus, this item has got to be by far my favorite!
It's a 'Diaper Dude Diaper Bag' for Dads! I'm fairly certain that Kelly is going to need one. It made me laugh pretty sincerely. I haven't shown it to him yet because he's at work. Maybe I'll e-mail him the link.
Yep. So I'm going to be adding items to our registry the rest of the day if anyone needs me! Suggestions from any 'already moms' out there about things that I'm probably going to need but not realize until AFTER the baby is here?
EDIT: Oh! And if anyone wants to come stalk my registry, our registry # is 46219282 at www.babiesrus.com!
Out of all of the items that I've stumbled upon on babysrus, this item has got to be by far my favorite!
It's a 'Diaper Dude Diaper Bag' for Dads! I'm fairly certain that Kelly is going to need one. It made me laugh pretty sincerely. I haven't shown it to him yet because he's at work. Maybe I'll e-mail him the link.
Yep. So I'm going to be adding items to our registry the rest of the day if anyone needs me! Suggestions from any 'already moms' out there about things that I'm probably going to need but not realize until AFTER the baby is here?
EDIT: Oh! And if anyone wants to come stalk my registry, our registry # is 46219282 at www.babiesrus.com!
3 weeks, 6 days!
Good morning Internet world! It's hard to believe that five days have already passed since we got that first positive HPT! Every day that it sticks, it gets a little more likely to stick the whole nine months! Can't wait to meet him/her. =]
Not much going on this morning, my husband is working and then he'll be going with his mother to a concert (Let's see if he manages to keep the secret!) which means I'll be hanging out at home by myself all day. I go back to work tomorrow but it's only a three-day week (Thank you Thanksgiving holiday!) which means it will be pretty laid-back. =]
The only new symptom I've developed recently is that, since yesterday evening, my boobs have been ridiculously itchy! And it hurts to scratch them because they're tender as well. Looks like it's time to break out the lotion!
Not much going on this morning, my husband is working and then he'll be going with his mother to a concert (Let's see if he manages to keep the secret!) which means I'll be hanging out at home by myself all day. I go back to work tomorrow but it's only a three-day week (Thank you Thanksgiving holiday!) which means it will be pretty laid-back. =]
The only new symptom I've developed recently is that, since yesterday evening, my boobs have been ridiculously itchy! And it hurts to scratch them because they're tender as well. Looks like it's time to break out the lotion!
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Telling the Parents!
Currently, there are three people that know about our pregnancy (that is, aside from the two of us, the doctor, and most of the on-line world). Those three people are my husband's step-mother, my best friend, and one of my co-workers.
My best friend, Heather, has been with me every single step of the way. I've probably cried on her shoulder more times than I've cried on Kelly's, just because I was trying to do my best to stay strong for him. That woman has saved my sanity more times than I could ever thank her for. My husband's step-mother, Nancy, knows as well. She knew about our struggle with infertility. We're very open about it and she's an amazing support system. =] She texted me the day after we got our first bfp (see pic on previous post) commenting on everything that we had to go through to get this baby. Well, OF COURSE I had to tell her! She's been helping me share my excitement these past few days while we do our best to keep it a secret for a while longer! And one of my co-workers knows because I missed Thursday and Friday of work and felt the need to explain my absence. XD I trust her whole-heartedly with the information until we're ready to tell everyone ourselves. =]
We had originally been hoping to keep it a secret until we were safely into our second trimester, but I just don't think it's going to happen that way. My mother-in-law happened to be with my husband when he picked up the 3-pack of FRER tests the other day and my sister-in-law called the next morning subtly wondering about them, I doubt we're going to be able to get through Thanksgiving next Thursday without encountering 'the alcohol test' on multiple occasions. So we decided we're just going to go with it. =]
Assuming everything is still hunky-dory by Thanksgiving, we picked up some baby bibs to give to our parents to let them know that we're pregnant. =]
My best friend, Heather, has been with me every single step of the way. I've probably cried on her shoulder more times than I've cried on Kelly's, just because I was trying to do my best to stay strong for him. That woman has saved my sanity more times than I could ever thank her for. My husband's step-mother, Nancy, knows as well. She knew about our struggle with infertility. We're very open about it and she's an amazing support system. =] She texted me the day after we got our first bfp (see pic on previous post) commenting on everything that we had to go through to get this baby. Well, OF COURSE I had to tell her! She's been helping me share my excitement these past few days while we do our best to keep it a secret for a while longer! And one of my co-workers knows because I missed Thursday and Friday of work and felt the need to explain my absence. XD I trust her whole-heartedly with the information until we're ready to tell everyone ourselves. =]
We had originally been hoping to keep it a secret until we were safely into our second trimester, but I just don't think it's going to happen that way. My mother-in-law happened to be with my husband when he picked up the 3-pack of FRER tests the other day and my sister-in-law called the next morning subtly wondering about them, I doubt we're going to be able to get through Thanksgiving next Thursday without encountering 'the alcohol test' on multiple occasions. So we decided we're just going to go with it. =]
Assuming everything is still hunky-dory by Thanksgiving, we picked up some baby bibs to give to our parents to let them know that we're pregnant. =]
We're going to gift wrap them and present them as early Christmas presents! By that point, we'll be just shy of five weeks, so the danger of this being a chemical pregnancy will be past at least. While I was on my way home from my doctor's appointment yesterday, I stopped by Wal-mart and picked up "What To Expect When You're Expecting." One of the bits of information that it gave in there (I haven't read the whole thing yet) was to THINK POSITIVE! So that's exactly what Kelly and I are doing for now! As of right now, I am most definitely pregnant, so we're going to go ahead and plan ahead! This baby is GOING to STICK! We're comfortable telling the parents so early (and then, by default, the siblings and grandparents as well), because even if something does happen (which it WON'T!) it would be nice to have those shoulders to cry on as well (even though that's NOT going to happen!). We're going to tell Kelly's dad on Wednesday evening (we're going over there for supper and, as I said, his step-mom already knows), his Mom on Thursday at Thanksgiving, and my parents on Friday after Black Friday/birthday shopping (It's my 24th birthday on Friday!). I'm excited for their reactions! =]
While we were picking up the grandma/grandpa bibs, they also had a three-pack of bibs that was ON-SALE for 1/2 price that was pretty darn appropriate for us.
We are a very outdoorsy couple and my husband's favorite color (I know it's not really a color) is camouflage! And heck, even if it ends up being a girl, she'll probably be a tom-boy anyways. =]
A couple of years ago, I was in a little gift shop miles from home on a school trip and there was a little pink camouflage shirt that said 'Future Hunter' on it. I bought it. Just because I knew that I probably would never be able to find it again! That's the only article of baby clothing that I've boughten up until this day, and now I have free reign (financial constraints notwithstanding) to buy whatever baby things I want! I can't even begin to describe how excited I am! How excited we are actually, I should say! Kelly has been ridiculously adorable since the doctor confirmed the pregnancy yesterday (he'd be appalled if he knew I was typing this!). He's so concerned and thoughtful! He worked a ten-hour shift today and then wouldn't even let me cook supper! He was determined to come home and make supper for me even though I've been at home basically sitting on my butt all day and he was working. So I let him. And while he was making supper, he over-analyzed the labels on EVERYTHING making sure that it was pregnancy-friendly. "You can have this, right?" "Are you sure this okay?" And he keeps just smiling and rubbing my belly like I'm a good luck charm or something. =] He's about the cutest, proudest thing I've ever seen right now!
Oh! And I also wanted to summarize my two-week wait symptoms here for any of the other women who are following this that are still working on their miracle. =] The first thing that I noticed was that my Metformin (for the Insulin Resistance) tasted different. Whereas, before it had never had a taste at all, it suddenly tasted like floral perfume. I thought it was the strangest thing! But I kept taking it anyways. Also, just a day or two before I tested, I had a round of cramping that lasted for just a few minutes that led me to believe that my period was indeed on it's way, but no spotting, no blood, no nothing. Also, there was a 'heaviness' around the area of my uterus that I attributed to my body getting ready to bleed. Other than that, nothing. Now that I've found out though, I've been 'hyper' aware of my uterus, almost as if I can feel it stretching. It's not quite the same as cramping though, similar, but different.
The Very Beginning
The beginning is a good place to start, is it not? My husband, Kelly, and I were married on June 30, 2007. I was 20 and he was 24. We didn't know quite what we were getting into, but we were excited and in love. Thankfully, those two things have not changed over the past three years together. We knew that we always wanted to be parents so the last thing I did before we got married was drop the birth control pills. We didn't think it would take too long, I mean, getting pregnant is easy. Right? Actually, you'd be surprised. Some people are able to just spread their legs and create life, for a lot of others, it's not quite so easy. It didn't happen and it didn't happen and it didn't happen. At the time, it was half a frustration and half a relief. As I said, I was 20 when we got married. I was also in the summer between my sophomore and junior year in a four-year college program. As disappointed and let-down as I was sometimes during those first two years, it was probably ultimately for the better and I'll readily admit that now. Trying to finish college, working three jobs to pay the bills, and trying to support a marriage and a child would have been difficult.
But then I finished college. Still nothing. Which means, in the summer of 2009, I went to the doctor's. The doctor that I visited didn't seem too concerned that my periods were weeks long at a time. She off-handedly told me that I probably had PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome) and ordered me a three-month supply of a progesterone supplement to get my cycles back into whack.
It worked great . . . for the three months that I was on it. And, actually, the next month was okay too. But then everything fell apart again. By this point, I was already thrown back into the swing of a new school year as the teacher this time and had other things on my mind. So I let the idea of becoming a mother fall by the wayside again for awhile. The school year ended and the next summer rolled around. By this point, we had been married for three years and still remained childless. I began to get angry, which, in turn, threw me into action. I had always hoped before that things would just happen on their own, like they were supposed to, like they seemed to do for everybody else. But now, I didn't care if it happened all on it's own or not, I just wanted it to happen.
So I did my research and I found an OB/GYN that specializes in treating women with infertility issues, especially PCOS. I was terrified, but I bravely went in to that first appointment in July of 2010. I'm a woman. I'm strong. But I knew that if she told me that there was no chance for us, no hope for us to ever be parents naturally, I would fall apart. I think that's one of the reasons that I waited so long for that first appointment, because I was terrified that that might be our prognosis and I didn't want that. In that case, it would have been better not to know. I would rather have remained ignorant and hopeful.
Thankfully though, that was not our verdict. The doctor was very optimistic. She ordered a battery of infertility tests and, at that very first appointment, informed me that I was probably Insulin Resistant as well as having PCOS. She determined this by looking at the back of my neck and my under arms and observing something called Acanthosis nigricans. Which, translated, means that there was a darkening of the skin on the back of my neck and underarms that typically indicates that a person has Insulin Resistance. Of course, she needed a blood test to verify the diagnosis. So they took a vial of blood from me. In fact, they took seven vials of blood from. What they all tested for? I still don't know. But either way, the diagnosis of Insulin Resistance was confirmed and I was given a prescription for a medication called Metformin.
Metformin is a miracle drug. Immediately, I lost weight without even trying. (I had lost about 15 pounds already with significant effort.) I quit bleeding for weeks on end and, most importantly, thanks to the Metformin, I started to ovulate! In retrospect, I don't think that I had ovulated ever before in my life. I bled, but now, I do believe that the multi-week-periods were actually anovulatory bleeding. As soon as I had that first appointment, I started charting my basal body temperature (Did you know that, after your ovulate, your basal body temperature goes up nearly an entire degree?). I started taking folic acid and calcium and complex b vitamins. I drank more water and less soda. I was determined.
The first time I ovulated in my life, I was 23 and it was August 29th, 2010. The husband and I made sure to have sex on all the right days because I was educated and I knew when the right days were for me. So we had sex, and then some more, and then a few more times, just to be sure. And then we waited. For two weeks. I was so sure, so very sure that I must be pregnant. I had ovulated, his sperm analysis had come with a go-ahead, and we had done our very best to make sure that they were in the same place at the same time. I was so sure. But I was wrong. I've never been so devastated as I was that day when my period started. We'd done everything right and it had all gone wrong. What if this was never meant to happen for us? What if I would never be able to give my husband the child that he so longed for and deserved? Again, I thought about leaving him so that he could find someone that would be able to make a father. I was broken.
But, after I few days, I got over it and started looking towards the next cycle. If the Metformin had been able to make me ovulate once, why not twice? So I continued to chart my basal body temperature, to pee on the flimsy, little ovulation predictor sticks, to make sure that we would be ready when the sex really mattered. And, sure enough, I ovulated! It was still later than most women with regular cycles typically ovulate (26 days after the start of my period), but that didn't matter. I was ovulating! So, again, we did our best. And, again, we failed.
I had something to look forward to this time though. Along with the battery of tests that had been ordered for me was something called an HSG, or, in doctor lingo a Hysterosalpingogram. This particular test has the possibility of being quite painful. High-contrast due is inserted into your uterus through a catheter and it's progress is viewed on a live x-ray machine. This test is used to determine if there are blockages in the fallopian tubes that might be stopping conception from taking place. Even more exciting, this particular test has the possibility of increasing fertility for a month or two after it occurs because it clears out any minor blockages in the fallopian tubes!
So, as my second cycle came to an end, I called and set up my HSG. And then, a few days later, I went in for it. Again, I was terrified. Would it hurt? Would my tubes be blocked? What was the result going to be? Thankfully, oh so thankfully, it was nowhere near as bad as I had expected it to be. My husband was not allowed in the x-ray room to hold my hand as I had hoped he would be, but it was okay. It hurt, but not too badly. And, even more importantly, my tubes were clear! Which meant, as soon as this cycle was over, I was going to start my very first round of Clomid on my next one. Clomid is first-round fertility drug that's used to help encourage women's ovaries to ovulate. We were going to get some help in this whole baby-making process. =]
So I continued to chart, did our best to do the horizontal mambo around the time when I ovulated this cycle, but didn't really have much hope for it. All eyes were on starting that Clomid next cycle. That was sure to be our ticket to becoming parents!
I held off on taking a home pregnancy test until 10 days past ovulation (usually, I started on 9 days past), which, for the record, was Wednesday, November 17th at about 9 p.m. I mean, it would be negative anyways. They always were. The Clomid was what we were aiming for, looking forward to, that was our golden ticket out of infertility land! But, much to my surprise and disbelief, this is what I saw:
There was still a second line! Okay . . . maybe all the Internet cheapies weren't broken! First thing next morning, I called and scheduled an appointment to verify that I really wasn't hallucinating. They had one appointment open for the entire day with a general practice doctor that I'd never heard of before. I took it. And then I took two more pregnancy tests to see if that miraculous second line was still there. And then I waited until 3:15 and saw a foreign doctor that I can't even remember the name of now (this was yesterday). All I know is that he reminded me of Fez from "That 70s Show". He gave me a physical, shipped me off to lab for a urine sample, and then Kelly and I waited in the doctor's room for twenty minutes while they gathered up the results. The doctor was smiling when he came back into the room. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Is he smiling intentionally or does he just smile a lot? And then, he shook my husband's hand and gave him a hearty congratulations and told us to call next week to set up our six-week prenatal appointment. Believe it or not (I'm still not sure if I do), I'm pregnant. Today, as I type this, I am 3 weeks and 5 days pregnant, which translates to barely pregnant, but pregnant nonetheless.
I don't know what I'm going to do with that Clomid sitting in my medicine chest . . . it doesn't look like I'm going to be needing it now because, in 254 days, on August 1st, 2011 (or thereabouts) we're going to be parents. =]
But then I finished college. Still nothing. Which means, in the summer of 2009, I went to the doctor's. The doctor that I visited didn't seem too concerned that my periods were weeks long at a time. She off-handedly told me that I probably had PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome) and ordered me a three-month supply of a progesterone supplement to get my cycles back into whack.
It worked great . . . for the three months that I was on it. And, actually, the next month was okay too. But then everything fell apart again. By this point, I was already thrown back into the swing of a new school year as the teacher this time and had other things on my mind. So I let the idea of becoming a mother fall by the wayside again for awhile. The school year ended and the next summer rolled around. By this point, we had been married for three years and still remained childless. I began to get angry, which, in turn, threw me into action. I had always hoped before that things would just happen on their own, like they were supposed to, like they seemed to do for everybody else. But now, I didn't care if it happened all on it's own or not, I just wanted it to happen.
So I did my research and I found an OB/GYN that specializes in treating women with infertility issues, especially PCOS. I was terrified, but I bravely went in to that first appointment in July of 2010. I'm a woman. I'm strong. But I knew that if she told me that there was no chance for us, no hope for us to ever be parents naturally, I would fall apart. I think that's one of the reasons that I waited so long for that first appointment, because I was terrified that that might be our prognosis and I didn't want that. In that case, it would have been better not to know. I would rather have remained ignorant and hopeful.
Thankfully though, that was not our verdict. The doctor was very optimistic. She ordered a battery of infertility tests and, at that very first appointment, informed me that I was probably Insulin Resistant as well as having PCOS. She determined this by looking at the back of my neck and my under arms and observing something called Acanthosis nigricans. Which, translated, means that there was a darkening of the skin on the back of my neck and underarms that typically indicates that a person has Insulin Resistance. Of course, she needed a blood test to verify the diagnosis. So they took a vial of blood from me. In fact, they took seven vials of blood from. What they all tested for? I still don't know. But either way, the diagnosis of Insulin Resistance was confirmed and I was given a prescription for a medication called Metformin.
Metformin is a miracle drug. Immediately, I lost weight without even trying. (I had lost about 15 pounds already with significant effort.) I quit bleeding for weeks on end and, most importantly, thanks to the Metformin, I started to ovulate! In retrospect, I don't think that I had ovulated ever before in my life. I bled, but now, I do believe that the multi-week-periods were actually anovulatory bleeding. As soon as I had that first appointment, I started charting my basal body temperature (Did you know that, after your ovulate, your basal body temperature goes up nearly an entire degree?). I started taking folic acid and calcium and complex b vitamins. I drank more water and less soda. I was determined.
The first time I ovulated in my life, I was 23 and it was August 29th, 2010. The husband and I made sure to have sex on all the right days because I was educated and I knew when the right days were for me. So we had sex, and then some more, and then a few more times, just to be sure. And then we waited. For two weeks. I was so sure, so very sure that I must be pregnant. I had ovulated, his sperm analysis had come with a go-ahead, and we had done our very best to make sure that they were in the same place at the same time. I was so sure. But I was wrong. I've never been so devastated as I was that day when my period started. We'd done everything right and it had all gone wrong. What if this was never meant to happen for us? What if I would never be able to give my husband the child that he so longed for and deserved? Again, I thought about leaving him so that he could find someone that would be able to make a father. I was broken.
But, after I few days, I got over it and started looking towards the next cycle. If the Metformin had been able to make me ovulate once, why not twice? So I continued to chart my basal body temperature, to pee on the flimsy, little ovulation predictor sticks, to make sure that we would be ready when the sex really mattered. And, sure enough, I ovulated! It was still later than most women with regular cycles typically ovulate (26 days after the start of my period), but that didn't matter. I was ovulating! So, again, we did our best. And, again, we failed.
I had something to look forward to this time though. Along with the battery of tests that had been ordered for me was something called an HSG, or, in doctor lingo a Hysterosalpingogram. This particular test has the possibility of being quite painful. High-contrast due is inserted into your uterus through a catheter and it's progress is viewed on a live x-ray machine. This test is used to determine if there are blockages in the fallopian tubes that might be stopping conception from taking place. Even more exciting, this particular test has the possibility of increasing fertility for a month or two after it occurs because it clears out any minor blockages in the fallopian tubes!
So, as my second cycle came to an end, I called and set up my HSG. And then, a few days later, I went in for it. Again, I was terrified. Would it hurt? Would my tubes be blocked? What was the result going to be? Thankfully, oh so thankfully, it was nowhere near as bad as I had expected it to be. My husband was not allowed in the x-ray room to hold my hand as I had hoped he would be, but it was okay. It hurt, but not too badly. And, even more importantly, my tubes were clear! Which meant, as soon as this cycle was over, I was going to start my very first round of Clomid on my next one. Clomid is first-round fertility drug that's used to help encourage women's ovaries to ovulate. We were going to get some help in this whole baby-making process. =]
So I continued to chart, did our best to do the horizontal mambo around the time when I ovulated this cycle, but didn't really have much hope for it. All eyes were on starting that Clomid next cycle. That was sure to be our ticket to becoming parents!
I held off on taking a home pregnancy test until 10 days past ovulation (usually, I started on 9 days past), which, for the record, was Wednesday, November 17th at about 9 p.m. I mean, it would be negative anyways. They always were. The Clomid was what we were aiming for, looking forward to, that was our golden ticket out of infertility land! But, much to my surprise and disbelief, this is what I saw:
The line is faint, very, very faint. But it's there. And, if you're taking a pregnancy test, it doesn't matter how faint that second line is, if there are two lines, your eggo is preggo. I showed it to Kelly and asked him what he saw. He saw the second line too! I wasn't hallucinating! (In response to looking at it though, the very first thing he said was, "I think I just touched your pee." XD) The next day, I took three more pregnancy tests, sure that first one was a fluke, but, lo and behold, the second line stayed, even got a little darker. Either way, it was definitely visible on each of the tests the next day. The whole dang box of them must be a fluke, I figured. They were a new kind of strips that I hadn't used before. The whole thing must be broken. So I sent my husband out to buy some store-bought ones, they were more accurate, right? I mean, how much value can you really get out of something you spent $0.20 on on-line?
Much later than I was hoping for, he came with a box of three First Response tests. I stole the bag from him and ran to the bathroom. Three minutes minutes later, this is what I saw:
I don't know what I'm going to do with that Clomid sitting in my medicine chest . . . it doesn't look like I'm going to be needing it now because, in 254 days, on August 1st, 2011 (or thereabouts) we're going to be parents. =]
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